6 things people feel about putting their parents into aged care

What do most grown children think and feel when considering “putting” their parents into aged care, or when their parents choose to move themselves? I warn you, it’s not pretty. It is confrontational. Your fight-or-flight response may very well be triggered here, but bear with me; it is a worthwhile read! Here are the 6 most common thoughts and feelings that families struggle with:

1. GUILT

I deliberately put no. 1 in our list in bold capitals in order to try and convey just a hint of the weight that the word carries. Guilt at the mere thought of putting mum or dad in a care home. They raised you, right? With siblings and without today’s modern conveniences! No fast food, dishwashers or unlimited kids’ electronic entertainment to help them! They wiped your snotty nose, nursed you back to health when you were sick with home-made soups and remedies, taught you how to ride a bike! Isn’t it your responsibility to take them in and care for them, should they start to need just a bit more help as they age?

2. Abuse

Elder abuse! Uncaring staff and nurses who are paid abysmal salaries and don’t care at all about your loved ones’ wellbeing. Who may even find an outlet and take pleasure in tormenting your precious mum or dad unheeded! You Google horror stories, warning signs and risk factors to look out for in the case of abuse and neglect of the vulnerable.

3. Conmen

You worry about your parent being preyed upon by savvy conmen (sometimes even family), salespeople and online promises, too good to be true, that take advantage of your mum or dad and drain their life savings and retirement fund!

4. Depressing

You think of depressed, vacant people sitting around forgotten, staring into nothingness and just waiting to die. Or constantly enquiring after their family: if they’ve called or arranged a visit.

5. Institutional

Sterile, cold places with easy-to-wipe-down surfaces and a permeating smell of disinfectant.

6. Expensive

I’m talking 5-star hotel/private hospital expensive with set charges that include every little thing your parents may or may not need, now or in the future! You wonder if the most expensive is the best. If you are you risking point 2 if you skimp? Does that make you a terrible child (see point 1)?

STOP IT!

Just stop! Your parents know you love them, wish the best for them and want them to be happy. You’re a wonderful child for even caring so much and worrying about all these awful (but sadly, sometimes necessary) things! But your parents don’t want to be a burden or a disruption in your life. They want to be independent and free, in their own home, for as long as they are able to and if or when the time may come when they may need additional assistance, they would prefer to accept it from a compassionate, but paid, carer or registered nurse.

Queensland’s Best Supported Living in Toowoomba, Glenvale Villas offers all of those lovely good things that your parents want and safeguards against all the bad things that you worry about. We would love to set your mind and heart at ease and have you over for a cup of tea or coffee and a tour! We even offer a free trial stay for your parents to make sure that we’re a good fit! No pressure, no obligation. None whatsoever!

Please click here now to talk to us, to email us or to make an enquiry. We look forward to welcoming you and your parents!

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